Flowers Still Bloom in a Cemetery

RIP to the old me

I’ve shed so many skins

Reborn again and again

Fresh start, wounded heart

My trauma still follows me

A dark unwelcome shadow

That I just can’t break free

I can see the rope swinging from the gallows

My stomach in knots and filled with angst

My heart hangs from an unraveling string

One more arrow, and it’ll all crash down

Stay strong and be Brave

Like Merida, the redheaded queen

One day at a time

The rooms in my mind

Have zero vacancy

Yet there’s no one here that I can see

I only hear the voices in my head clearly

Repeating their incessant chant

“Stop being so fucking crazy”

Sticks and stones will break my bones

And so do the hurtful words you speak

A breakup tastes like graveyard dirt

Dusty and full of old bones

It gives me cotton mouth

And my throat is so dry

Like the Dead Sea (RIP)

I can’t scream anymore

My words are gone

Put in an order for Peace Lillies

But I hate the smell

It’s a reminder of death and misery

Look for brighter colored ones

Yellow buttons or the bright blue porterweed

I, too, live for the sun

And to be wild and free

I belong among the wildflowers

Or on a boat out to sea

RIP Tom Petty

I’ll keep writing love letters in the sand

And I will bloom where I land…

They will never bury me

I Owe it All to Her

To the girl inside me

That stood strong

Even on the days

When the fight felt too much

To the girl inside me

That kept the hope alive

Believing there is still beauty

Hidden in this world

Beyond the pain and darkness

To the girl inside me

That keeps pushing along

When all seems lost

And it’s so lonely and dismal

To the girl inside me

That’s cried a billion tears

And screamed so loudly

Til her voice was gone

She still chose life

When the ledge was there

And a jump would have been easy

Thank you

I owe it all to her

To continue this journey

Fill it with happiness

Give her the grace and peace

She so deserves

To the strongest little girl

You are worthy

And I will make this life

Feel nothing but beautiful

One day again

Love, Joy, Pain and Everything in Between

I truly wonder how different my life could be

If I were loved differently or

If I didn’t have to spend so much of it healing…

From things that weren’t even my fault

Sleepy Sunday

Woke up to another dreary day

Free of any maternal responsibility this morning

I’m not sure what to do with myself

Should I clean?

I should probably work…

That closet needs to be reorganized

No, no

Not today

Today is a sleepy Sunday

And my soul needs a reset

I’ll crawl back into bed

And read and write until my eyes go cross

Listen to scratchy records

Maybe finally watch that documentary

That one on the cult of aliens

Open all the windows

And enjoy the crisp air

While I find myself again

What a valuable thing

This rare alone time

Time to just be

Time to be me

Time really is freedom

When you’re living free

Good Enough

When will it ever be good enough?

Pretty enough, smart enough

Kind enough, rich enough

Outgoing enough, confident enough

Talented enough, skinny enough

Creative enough, hardworking enough

Supportive enough, caring enough

Calm enough, ambitious enough

Strong enough, happy enough

Enough!

Enough of this

I’ll never be enough

But I can be just right

For the right person

At the right time

The Edge of Madness

There’s a silent resistance women live in each and every day

A constant feeling of being on the edge

A self control they must remain conscious of at all times

For she risks the chance of losing control

Losing control of her temper, of her appetite, of her sexual desires, of her ambition, of her emotions, of her darkest secrets…

Of her mind

Because should she slip…

Even just a little

They’ll cry out hysteria or bipolar disorder

That she’s manic and crazed

So she’ll turn to the comfort of loneliness

The only place that she can truly just be

The only place that she can really let her guard down

And just scream

Scream from pain

Scream from excitement

Scream for relief

Scream for however long she feels

Scream as loudly as she feels

Scream until she has no screams left within her

Catch Me in 2024

Continuing to become a better me…

Breaking generational curses

Regulating emotions

Becoming more self-aware

Healing from trauma

Drinking less

More psilocybins

Seeking out the sunshine and nature

Finding myself again

2023 was the year of survival

2024 will be the year of prosperity

I Declare Today A Lazy, Mental Health Day

Gloom and doom

The sky is dark once again

The rain hasn’t stopped since early am

I’ll try to make my own sunshine

Cook some comfort food

I’m thinking a good southern breakfast

One like my Mema used to make

Bacon, cheese grits, eggs scrambled hard

Sausage gravy with the biscuits, cathead

Fresh OJ with a splash of champagne

I’ve got a supply of green to last all day

I think I’ll be okay

I’ll smoke enough to keep the bad thoughts away

The Art of Noticing

Is so often overlooked…

It goes unnoticed.

What have you noticed today?

The sunshine or the clouds?

The breeze or the tiny birds?

The way their face shifted when they saw you?

Who liked your post or sent you a DM?

Which shirt you chose to wear and why?

The colors in the fruits you ate?

The flavors in your morning coffee?

The background vocals in that song?

That the tire was a little low on your ride?

How their tone changed when you asked that question?

The exhaustion under their eyes?

The wrinkles developing in your skin?

The dirt under their finger nails?

What foods you craved when you were hungry?

The way you reacted when you didn’t like something?

Stop.

And take the time to notice.

The world will show you so much more.

Serene Sundays

I’m definitely in my calm era

I just let things be

Manifest and breathe

And what is meant to be

Will come to me

Water Can’t Save a Fake Flower

The grass is always greener, right?

Unless you’re being sold a dream

Paint the grass green

No one will notice

Add faux flowers and trees

Fake bushes and shrubbery

Perfection, a vision for the magazine

But where are the tiny birds?

The ones who build their nests

High above the breeze

And the bees to pollinate

Buzzing from flower to flower

Gathering pollen on their knees

Or the squirrels

Chasing each other’s tails

Back and forth, a game of tease

They’ve chosen the neighbors lot

The one with the lush ecosystem

The one with flowers and huge trees

But how could that be

They aren’t that intelligent

Bird brains

And a bee is never as busy as it seems

It just can’t buzz any slower

But even a blind squirrel can find a nut

They listen to Mother Nature

Intuition and instinct

Sharp and in tune

So, yes…

You can paint the grass green

But that doesn’t mean

That your garden will bloom

Somebody Save Me

I’ve been distracted from writing

Because I was so terribly sick

But it gave me much time to reflect

And appreciate life and its gifts

Go where you’re wanted

But never ask for an invite

If the plans have been made

And you weren’t part of it

Know your place

And just accept that it isn’t your shit

Stay confident but not arrogant

It creates an ick

Explore different channels

Of people and things

Get lost in your interests

And let people sing

Ludacris and Dr Suess like rhymes

Perhaps I need more time

To just let my brain rest

For I’ve lost the love of mine

I’m going to crawl back into bed

And hope for time to unwind

Infinity Times Infinity

Everlasting perfection

The Sea and the Sky

Fine Art in Modern Times

Little Tramp thirst traps

Social media sins

Guilty pleasures

Hidden agendas in plain view

Eu e você

No Church in the Wild

Look up into the trees

The way the wind blows their branches

How each season reflects change in their leaves

How majestic and beautiful they are

Providers of oxygen and shade

Fruit bearers and nut creators

I can’t explain the healing I receive

From losing myself in the woods

It’s one of my favorite places to be

A forest with the cool stream

Sit along the bank and enjoy the breeze

Inhaling tree with the trees

Feel the sun kiss my cheeks from between the canopy

There’s no better place to just breathe

The forest calls out my name

Especially when my soul needs a reset

Ground with nature

Reconnect with Gaia

Find peace again

Dendrophile dreams

My Beautiful Boy

Today… I struggled, but I survived

Once the pressure of the work day subsided

And I could be completely present with you

My cup overflowed with fulfillment

Your laughter and tiny voice

The way you needed a tight hug as much as I did today

Maybe you could sense my sadness

Even through my mask and silly faces

I hope not, but I feel that you did

And I apologize for that

I’ll try harder tomorrow

Because I can’t imagine never holding you again

Or missing all your big moments

Dance parties and pool days

Sharing string cheeses and nature walks

Reading time and seeing you learn

Hearing you sing and watching you run so freely

Free of anxieties

Free of fear

Free of sadness

And I know I’m not perfect

And I’m broken and a bit of hot mess

But goddamn it, I love you

And I’ll swallow the pain as much as I need

I’ll make sure your shine never dulls

And that you can keep the wonder alive

I’ll always dance with you in the rain

And I’ll listen intently when you express those big feelings

I hope you never need to find yourself in adulthood

Because you’ve always been free to be

That’s the least I can give you

Because I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much

You’ve really saved me.

A Friend to All is a Friend to None.

Be weary of the ones who can’t stand their own company

The ones that always need constant distractions

For if they don’t even enjoy themselves

How are you supposed to?

Why is it that they can not just “be”?

If they claim boredom, then they are just boring people

Extroverted?

Fine, but when do you make time to love yourself?

Are your demons too loud without all the extra noise?

When will you ever heal?

If one is constantly absorbing the energies of others

What is their true nature or energetic field?

Doubtful that they even know

Find peace within yourself

And you’ll never spend another day lonely again

Because in the end…

You are all you REALLY have.

Must Be the Season of the Witch

Blessed Mabon

A welcome change in season

Bringing in your colors of autumn

The reds, burnt oranges, and yellows

The veil is thinning

The air is cooling

The moon looks brighter

The sky gets darker

I used to think I was a spring girl

But I’ve fallen madly in love with autumn

I’m blessed to reside where the warmth holds on

And I can still enjoy my favorite water activities

While I indulge in pumpkin and apple flavored everything

May this season bring prosperity

Wealth in all forms

Gratefulness

Genuine happiness

Peace

Keeper of Her Heart

Isn’t it so tragic

To watch her love others

So wholeheartedly

So unconditionally

So intensely

While she goes on through life

Unloved by anyone

Who will ever love her so truly

Should you fall in love with her

Keep it a secret from the world

The world has a terrible tendency

To ruin a good thing

No one needs to know

Who visits your dreams

Who makes your heart flutter

Who feels like home

Keep her close to your heart

But far from the knowledge of others

Protect your love

Protect her peace

For she has loved with a full heart

For far too long

With no return