Needy Little Gremlin

I said I’d never let a boy

Tell me what to do again

Yet here I am,

Living with a three foot tall tyrant

With constant non-stop demands

Dictating every choice I make

Can’t even leave the house without him

And every delicious snack I have

Becomes another one for him to take

Kissing boo-boos on command

Playing with trucks and dinosaurs

Always having to hold his hand

He takes so much of my time and money

And I’m always losing sleep

Only for him will I do these things

Because without my little, needy perfect child

My life would not ever be complete

Casual Conversations

I spend so much of each day

Listening to the narrator in my head

Chatting with a two year old

Arguing with myself

Speaking to others with only my fingertips

I’m not even sure I know how to hold a “normal” conversation at this point

I want to talk about the sun’s energy and how immaculate it is, how it’s considered a star and how we’d all die if we were a foot closer

I want to discuss aliens and cults and mermaids and all the urban legends

I want to talk about the WHY behind serial killers’ motives and how we can help them before someone gets hurt?

Let’s chat about Dali and Van Gogh and how an artist’s brain can be so twisted, yet so beautiful and brillant

Let’s talk about the counterculture of the 1960s, the Black Panthers and battles that are still faced in today’s society

I want to know if you think a woman’s rights should belong to her and her choices about her body are hers and hers alone

What about our oceans? What do you think could lurk down there since we’ve only explored FIVE freaking percent of them

Let’s talk about how bees literally keep our society alive, yet no one looks out for them and often demonize them

Let’s discuss organized religions and how powerful and manipulative they can be. Who do you think is right, and why are there so many?

I don’t want to talk about the weather or that celebrity or about another episode of Bluey

My idol mind can be dangerous, and it’s feeds on deeper exploration

Maybe I’m just not talking to the right people

Or maybe I’ve just lost touch with societal norms

Oh, well

I’ll just continue to question everything and have these discussions with myself

My Sonshine

My son

I’ve dreamed about you since I knew I felt the need to be a mom

But you are more perfect than I could ever have imagined

Your beautiful brown eyes and the most gorgeous curls

I love your sweet voice when you sing the songs you love the most

But my favorite is hearing you call out “Mama” in excitement and reach up to me for a tight embrace

I love watching you dance and be free

Your intelligence amazes me every day

Your cute giggles when you know you’re being silly or just enjoying your life

Your smile is my favorite thing on this planet

My love for you is bigger than anything measurable

You have saved me in ways you’ll never understand

Thank you

I love you so much

– Mom

I’m a Mom

First and foremost

Before any relationship

Romantic or platonic

Over friends and family

There’s no party or adult excursion that matters more

I will choose my child over anything and anyone

My job can replace me

Real friends will understand

Family that doesn’t can kick rocks

I will have my adult time once again

But my child has only one childhood

I’m determined to make his magical and memorable

And he will always know who’s in his corner

Even when the other people that should be, aren’t

I will always choose my child

Because I am his mother

And I do not take that role lightly

My Favorite Title is Mama

You can insult me for many things

I’m too emotional, too loud or too abrasive at times

I can be forgetful or have trouble following your instructions

I can’t focus well and sometimes can’t seem to even hear you

The messes can pile up, and I’ve forgotten to buy a few ingredients

My fashion isn’t up to societal standards, and I still wear jewelry from 2003

My hair is often messy, and I don’t spend hours on my makeup

I let my blemishes live freely, and I cry in public

I take things too literally and sometimes misunderstand

I dislike too many large social gatherings and driving at night

I’m not perfect, and sometimes make mistakes, especially in motherhood

But I’ll be the first to apologize and offer hugs and take accountability for those

And my child is loved beyond words

There’s not an emotion strong enough to describe the love I hold for him

He’s well fed, happy, safe, secure, full of life, and love

We talk about nature, emotions, and everything he sees

So, sure, I’m an imperfect human with lots of flaws

But my ability to be a mother

A good, loving, present mother

Is not something you can ever criticize me for

Because I have put my absolute everything into being the best mother I can be

It’s Giving Thanks

While I strongly dislike the false origin stories of the holiday

The complete retelling of history to be white washed and biased

How grossly selfish and destructive our American settlers were

And the hidden lies about all the genocide, rapes and smallpox

I do absolutely love and appreciate the concept of a day to show gratitude

A day to spend with family and friends

A day to feast, connect, and watch football

All the aunties and grandmothers gathered in the kitchen

Gossiping and venting about these damn men

The kids watching the parade or enjoying a game of catch

The cousins indulging in their pre-meal walk ritual

The mulled wine, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pies

It is a beautiful day of traditions

Happy Indigenous Oppression Day

Gobble, gobble.

Rebirth

The day I gave birth is the day that I was also reborn

But a mother is not created overnight

There are months leading up to the main event that people oversee

Mothers have already learned to make sacrifices for our child

Our bodies, our choices, our energy is longer just ours

Every decision directly affects our unborn child

And we don’t even think twice about it

Because we no longer need to fill our selfish void

This tiny unborn human has now become the center of our universe

Why do I seek out external love

When I have created the most fulfilling

The most soul satisfying

The deepest and purest connection

That I will ever experience in this life

And I will pour my whole heart into him

Because he truly deserves it

And I need to find myself again

I no longer know the woman I was 10, 5, even 2 years ago

For I have transformed

The birth of my son also brought the birth of mother

The most rewarding title I’ve ever earned

My Beautiful Boy

Today… I struggled, but I survived

Once the pressure of the work day subsided

And I could be completely present with you

My cup overflowed with fulfillment

Your laughter and tiny voice

The way you needed a tight hug as much as I did today

Maybe you could sense my sadness

Even through my mask and silly faces

I hope not, but I feel that you did

And I apologize for that

I’ll try harder tomorrow

Because I can’t imagine never holding you again

Or missing all your big moments

Dance parties and pool days

Sharing string cheeses and nature walks

Reading time and seeing you learn

Hearing you sing and watching you run so freely

Free of anxieties

Free of fear

Free of sadness

And I know I’m not perfect

And I’m broken and a bit of hot mess

But goddamn it, I love you

And I’ll swallow the pain as much as I need

I’ll make sure your shine never dulls

And that you can keep the wonder alive

I’ll always dance with you in the rain

And I’ll listen intently when you express those big feelings

I hope you never need to find yourself in adulthood

Because you’ve always been free to be

That’s the least I can give you

Because I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much

You’ve really saved me.

The Greatest Love of All

I have danced with 2 heartbeats.

I have breathed with 4 lungs.

I have created 10 tiny fingers and 10 perfect toes.

I have carried an entire life within my womb.

I have birthed the greatest love I will ever experience.

A mother’s love is as close to the love from a God as possible.

And the universe has blessed me with providing that love for you.

Thank you.