Thunder Only Happens When It’s Raining

How I appreciate a good cleansing storm on occasion

You can feel how it humbly reminds us of how insignificant we are as humans

How the rain gently reminds us that without it, there’d be no life

You could survive for weeks without food but only a few days without water

How the wind is an example of keeping faith and hope

You can’t see the wind, but you can see the effects of the wind

How the lightning and thunder remind us of its power, striking down anything in its path and then a roar of strength

You know if the thunder don’t get you, the lightning will

How hurricanes, tornados, blizzards, earthquakes, sink holes, tsunamis, wild fires, landslides, volcanos, avalanches, floods, destroy everything in their paths

You could be here today and gone tomorrow

We are weak compared to her power, yet we treat her like a side piece

Love Me Tender

Having a tender, kind heart

Makes me the most beautiful loser

In this materialistic society

But when will others realize

That we are all just souls

Carrying around a carcass

Temporarily gracing this planet with our presence

Until our spirits call us home

So, in the meantime, while we’re here

Talk softly to those you care about

Speak light and love into them

About them, around them

Watch them radiate from your words

Because to be loved 

You must be able to give love

Scotch Tape Repairs on My Shattered Heart

Round and round we go again

The merry go round romance

I understand

I truly do

Why grow roots when you can fly

My wings have already been clipped

Ripped off like a butterfly

Abused in the hands of a bad child

I’m fighting for my home, my son, my sanity

A long, messy, bumpy, dirty road ahead of me

I can’t just run wild and free

My baggage is so very heavy

And you don’t lift, but I won’t lie

I love that most about you

In the cranium is where your strength resides

And I’m a sapiosexual

Especially when the words flow just right

I get sucked in so easily

Like the moon pulls the tide

And the tide pulls the sand

But I will remind you of this

(Although I feel you already know)

You will spend the rest of your life

Searching for little pieces of me

In every girl you see

And even when you’re laid up with her

You’ll still be thinking of me

A curse I’ve endured for a decade at least

I’ll be too busy being called my favorite three letter name

By my little, perfect legacy

I’m too tired for this game

And too old to be a bae

Before anyone else

I chose me

A page out of your book

But I suppose what’s bad for the heart

Is good for the art

Turn off the algorithm

And make sure the next one hits the charts

I’ll look for my words in the hook

Two bodies, two minds, two souls

Forever bound

Because our hearts beat to the same rhythm

The most mellifluous sound

Even miles apart 

Admiration from a distance

I won’t say goodbye

Just another repeated sequence

In the future, we’ll try

And then we’ll both wear our crowns

But for now, with tears in my eyes

And the ugliest frown

I need a heart break

From this infatuated merry go round

Motherhood

The most amazing, scary, soul fulfilling, soul sucking, rewarding, challenging, incredible, exhausting, proud, unsure, selfless, loving, guilty, beautiful, ugly, stressful, blessed, worrysome, joyful, educational, life changing, important, discouraged, extraordinary, remarkable, unrelenting, euphoric, lonely, wouldn’t change anything for the world, hearts filled so much love we could burst, is not for the weak role in the world

Happy Mother’s Day 💓

Wild Heart, Simple Life

I’ll choose fresh flowers in my hair

Over diamonds on my neck

I’ll choose the passport full of stamps

Over the Louis Vuitton luggage

I’ll choose the quiet stream full of life

Over the mansion or penthouse

I’ll choose the simple things that bring me joy

Over the forced expectations of a greedy society

Dig the Soul

Flowers bring attraction, but many fail to fall in love with the roots

Seasons change, leaves fall, blooms drop, but within the roots is where the power lives

They aren’t exactly pretty, covered in dirt, and sometimes need to be unbound

But with patience, love, and careful watering, you will eventually see growth that will return the love

Water mine and I’ll water yours

The Missing Piece

How lucky are we

That between all of the oceans and galaxies

We met here under the same stars

And we make wishes on the same moon

How lucky am I

To give a piece of my heart to you

And hope that one day you’ll return it to me

The Most Beautiful Philosophical Thought I’ve Ever Heard

“You want it so badly now because your future self already has it”

Chef’s kiss. True poetry.

Cinco De Drinko

I always find it interesting

When the “build the wall, they’re stealing our jobs” crowd

Indulge in Cinco de Mayo festivities

How very hypocritical to me

They’ll lock their children alone in a cage

But dress in tacky, cheap ponchos and somberos

And drink their weight in Coronas and Patron

When Cinco comes around

Taco bout a party

With the hold the cilantro, it tastes like soap

But please add some dusty cheese and extra sour cream

White as shit genes

But that’s just par for the course

Look how they treat our minorities

They steal their culture, smile in their face

And continue to oppress their communities

This is Amerikkka

Land of the free

Home of the Chads, Brads and Thads

Energy Vampires

My first steps were on eggshells

I learned to tip toe quietly

In tune with all the frequencies

I’ll sense every shift in your energy

It is both a blessing and a curse

As I see the people unaware of their aura

They seem to have it so easy

Too wrapped up within themselves

To even notice me

.

Whispers of Waiting

I’m not meant to be perfect

I’ll always arrive a bit late and frazzled

With my makeup probably smeared

And my hair a frizzy mess

My anxieties make me freeze at time

But I’ll listen better than most

My sadness makes me cancel plans

And then I’ll feel the stress

Sometimes, I’m a hurricane

Leaving a trail of destruction in my path

But I’ll always share my weed and whiskey

I daydream too much

Often distracted and lost in my thoughts

Sometimes I’ll drink a glass too many

And I’ll flirt too much when I’m frisky

But I enjoy helping and caring for others

And I’m always quick to forgive

I may disappear for times

Just so I can reset

I’m sometimes slow to reply, or I just forget

But my heart is so full of love to share

And I’m just doing my best here

Please be patient with me

While I get my ducks in a row

It hurts to not know if this love is true

But I’ll promise to love you like no love before

I’m not meant to be perfect

But I’m meant to love you

Team Bear

I will always choose the bear over man to be stuck in the woods with

For the worst case scenario would just be death

But if I were to survive…

Claw marks and teeth wounds would heal over time

And people would actually believe that it happened

I’d never have to see it at a family reunion or out on the town

I wouldn’t worry about it bragging to all of its friends

The bear would actually see me as a human

The bear might leave me alone if I screamed loud enough

And should I get attacked, there’d be no questioning of my intentions…

What I was wearing?

Or how much did I drink?

There’d be no accusations of enjoying it

Or that I asked for it

In fact, the bear and I could probably live peacefully in proximity

Respectful of each other and our given personal space

So, yes, I’ll always choose the bear as would most smart women

The little men so angry with this choice

Are the ones that really need to listen

I’m Okay (Not Really)

My tears don’t fall

They crash around me

And the darkness rolls in

To choke me slowly

Flowers Still Bloom in a Cemetery

RIP to the old me

I’ve shed so many skins

Reborn again and again

Fresh start, wounded heart

My trauma still follows me

A dark unwelcome shadow

That I just can’t break free

I can see the rope swinging from the gallows

My stomach in knots and filled with angst

My heart hangs from an unraveling string

One more arrow, and it’ll all crash down

Stay strong and be Brave

Like Merida, the redheaded queen

One day at a time

The rooms in my mind

Have zero vacancy

Yet there’s no one here that I can see

I only hear the voices in my head clearly

Repeating their incessant chant

“Stop being so fucking crazy”

Sticks and stones will break my bones

And so do the hurtful words you speak

A breakup tastes like graveyard dirt

Dusty and full of old bones

It gives me cotton mouth

And my throat is so dry

Like the Dead Sea (RIP)

I can’t scream anymore

My words are gone

Put in an order for Peace Lillies

But I hate the smell

It’s a reminder of death and misery

Look for brighter colored ones

Yellow buttons or the bright blue porterweed

I, too, live for the sun

And to be wild and free

I belong among the wildflowers

Or on a boat out to sea

RIP Tom Petty

I’ll keep writing love letters in the sand

And I will bloom where I land…

They will never bury me

Hungover on a Monday

I’m too old for this shit

That’s why I stick with the green

Even the fun guy doesn’t make me feel this sick

My head is throbbing

My body is in pain

All from an overindulgence of champagne

33 Lessons from Year 33

1. I truly, with everything inside of me, absolutely love being a mom. (I’ve always known this, but this chapter after the postpartum haze was lifted has really given the best insight)

2. The cheap wines are no longer acceptable. (Mostly because they give me terrible heartburn. I’m not a snob.)

3. Being laid off feels a lot like a breakup. The healing process feels similar, as well.

4. Having a 2 year old as a bestie has taught me to slow down a lot. Look longer at the bug, the plant, the way things move.

5. If monetary value is the only determining factor for my career, I’m switching to Family law

6. I still need to maintain an exercise routine regardless of how good my mental health is or my ADHD has felt. (I’ve known this but another gentle reminder)

7. Old, white ladies really are out here just trying to touch stranger’s kids for no reason. Hands off, please, Martha.

8. Being a toddler mom has me saying the most out of pocket things with no context. Some examples from just this week:

• Listen, I really need you to stay strapped
• No, you cannot put your penis in there
• Let’s not put strangers feet in our mouth, please

9. Being a toddler mom is also so overestimating. They never stop talking, moving, or doing something. Little explorers doing experiments all the damn time. (But we love it)

10. I’m not going to be a great “Soccer Mom” should he want that life.

11. Corporate cannabis is seriously the most greedy and disgusting industry I have ever seen. The way they stomp out diversity, culture, and quality for pennies is gross.

12. My green thumb has allowed me to grow plants that I never thought I could. Green witch status.

13. I’m really bad at texting. I dislike the lack of tone. I dislike when I’ve forgotten for days, and now I just look like an asshole.

14. I really only have 2 best girlfriends. And I’m so good with that.

15. I’ve learned that Fall is actually the superior season.

16. I’ll never outgrow my obsession with counter culture and the 60s/70s.

17. Going to Disney with an excited toddler makes me feel like a kid again and heals my inner child.

18. Stop worrying so much. The universe has you. 

19. Always pack the extra outfit and those snacks for the child.

20. I really found my spirituality once I stopped caring about being judged. I allowed my ancestors to finally guide me, and I just listened.

21. There are so many holistic and natural ways to heal and help each and every ailment. (Yes, I still believe in science and modern medicine when needed)

22. Health is really wealth.

23. Do more outside. Even the most mundane task can be brought to life in an outdoor environment.

24. I prefer solitude unless it’s low social battery friends.

25. The most challenging part of parenting is breaking generational curses, especially emotional regulation. 

26. Therapist Lady helped me learn more about RSD and ADHD. So, while my emotions are intense about a situation, it’s probably a lot of anxiety and my self-doubt talking instead of the actual situation. Stop, breathe, and take a moment to really reflect.

27.  I can be a lot more patient than I give myself credit for, even though it can be difficult

28. Not everyone cares about accountability, self growth, or even trying to grow. Stay away from those types.

29. I can rebuild myself up again and again and again. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again better this time.

30. My needs, desires, happiness, etc. are easy to sacrifice to ensure my son has his. I won’t think twice about it. He is my everything and deserves everything.

31. Depression sucks, but I’ve got to give myself more grace. Sad days happen. It’s ok. Just work through them, feel everything, and try again the next day.

32. Still, eat the rich

33. To continue to listen to my gut. My intuition is strong, and I can/will learn how to better tap into that.

Cheers to 33, on to year 34! ✨️🎂🎉

Irresolute Icarus

If you aren’t great with communication

Then use discretion and consideration

Until you truly have knowledge of the situation

Or however that quote goes

You Think You Can Hurt Me?

All the trauma I’m healing from now was given to me by the men in my life that I trusted and loved most wholeheartedly

A Thought Bubble

I’m very thankful that my thoughts

Do not appear simultaneously

In a bubble above my head

The way that they do in the comics

I fear that if people could know all my thoughts:

1. They’d give me a long, sympathetic hug and pat my back slowly

2. They’d have me committed immediately and indefinitely

3. They’d research me for science like a rat trapped in a lab

And I’m not particularly comfortable with any of these…

Drunk Wishes

Her only wish

Is to be carried away

In a riptide of whiskey

4/20/2024 4204/02/4

Hail to Mother Mary Jane

Smoke em if you got em

Indulge in nature’s gift to us

Give gratitude as you enjoy

For she can change the world

Puff, puff, pass

Nature’s Cock Blocks

Getting sick on a Friday with a weekend filled with plans

A migraine the morning of a job interview

Starting your period during a dick appointment

A huge, grotesque pimple before a first date

Really, really, really terrible timing?

Divine intervention?

Perfectly executed fate?

We’ll never know

The Dance of the Phosphenes

Last night when I closed my eyes

I became so frustrated with the little colorful squiggles

Because they just would not cease their dance party

I tried to reason with them,

“Please, it’s so late, funny little worms. Let’s rest”

I rolled on to my back in hopes that would stop them

But they continued to just wiggle and dance the night away

I pleaded again,

“Squiggles, can we party another time, please? I’m just so tired”

They just didn’t want to hear me

So I opened my eyes as widely as I could

That would have to stop them

That did not

They taunted me with their gyrating

I rubbed my eyes as hard as I could

And I whispered to myself…

“That was not a microdose.”

The Lost Rainbow

Your absence has gone through me

Like the thread of an elaborate tapestry

Your colors intertwined within every stitch

Back to the Gypsy

My head has always been in the clouds

I’ve never been grounded on this earth

I’m merely floating along through this life

The destination isn’t ever really clear

But here I am

Still drifting through the universe’s journey for me

Stopping to smell the flowers

Talking to the birds, the squirrels, whatever creatures I see

Daydreaming every chance I get

Jotting down my thoughts when I can

Is this what blissful peace feels like

Maybe I finally am free

Happiness is a Butterfly

Get a real job, they say

No, thank you, I reply

For don’t you see, I’m learning to be content and thrive 

Without conforming to your 9-5 mentality

My happiness is the sunshine on a Tuesday

Floating topless in a spring

My freeform writing heals my soul

As I hum along with the birds and cicadas in the evening

My love making creates legacies

Leisurely little rendezvous whenever I please

My words and my thoughts are actually an artform

My mind was never meant to be locked in a cage

I won’t go back to working for the man

For he’s never cared about me

Dirty Little Secrets

Everyone has them

From the disgusting types of media they consume just to get themselves off

To those teenaged things you’d be so ashamed of if you had ever been caught

Some can be so innocent and meek

Like the little white lie to your supervisor to get out of a task

Or the insincere compliment in hopes to clap some cheeks

To the big life changing, grim ones

Like a hidden addiction, a hush-hush abortion or the mistress down the street

And as much as I love some steaming hot tea

Mine is definitely my favorite

I hold it so near and dear to me

Because I know one day it won’t always be just a dirty little secret

One day, it will all make sense to everyone around me

The Fruits of My Labor

My beautiful son

The world can be so ugly

You will sadly learn one day

I won’t be able to shield you forever

Like I wish I could

But you will always have a warm, safe place

In my arms, in my home, close to me

You never ever have to worry

About the effects of my storm

Or the demons that live within me

Because this new tree of life

I’ve grown so delicately for us

Bares a different type of fruit

One with compassion and empathy

And the roots of this tree

Come without the generational curses

Of our ancestors before me

You are so precious and so powerful, little one

Stay safely under my branches

For as long as you need

And when the day comes

I will sob proudly

As you spread your wings

For you are my greatest achievement

My absolute favorite

And most important thing

Hot Mess Express

From my hair to the dishes

And the pantry to my stress

I’m just one sad disorderly

Mess of gorgeous chaos

Here for no one to understand

The Devil’s Lettuce

Last night when I was so high in bed

I thought up the most amazing

The most inspiring and the most beautiful poem

It was so incredible that I just knew I’d remember it in the morning…

I don’t.

Damn