Whispers of Waiting

I’m not meant to be perfect

I’ll always arrive a bit late and frazzled

With my makeup probably smeared

And my hair a frizzy mess

My anxieties make me freeze at time

But I’ll listen better than most

My sadness makes me cancel plans

And then I’ll feel the stress

Sometimes, I’m a hurricane

Leaving a trail of destruction in my path

But I’ll always share my weed and whiskey

I daydream too much

Often distracted and lost in my thoughts

Sometimes I’ll drink a glass too many

And I’ll flirt too much when I’m frisky

But I enjoy helping and caring for others

And I’m always quick to forgive

I may disappear for times

Just so I can reset

I’m sometimes slow to reply, or I just forget

But my heart is so full of love to share

And I’m just doing my best here

Please be patient with me

While I get my ducks in a row

It hurts to not know if this love is true

But I’ll promise to love you like no love before

I’m not meant to be perfect

But I’m meant to love you

I’m Okay (Not Really)

My tears don’t fall

They crash around me

And the darkness rolls in

To choke me slowly

The Lost Rainbow

Your absence has gone through me

Like the thread of an elaborate tapestry

Your colors intertwined within every stitch

A Perfect Day Vision

Breakfast in the morning with you

We clink our mimosa glasses together

Look at each other and grin

I’ve burnt the toast a little from my mind being so distracted

I can’t stop replaying the events from the evening before

You laugh at me but it’s nothing butter can’t fix

The fritatta comes out perfectly

We each have a piece

The record player spins an old jazz vinyl I found at a local thrift shop

We don’t even know where we’ve left our phones

They don’t matter

This moment does

We giggle and chat about the carnal sins we committed with each other

You wink at me and we decide to do them all over again

I roll over and light a joint to share

The wind blows through the open window nearby

The birds are singing and the sun is shining

We get lost in each other again

And again

We pour more mimosas and smoke a dozen joints that day

We read and write all day sitting poolside

Bouncing our ideas off one another

Laying in sun and enjoying its warmth

You wink at me, and suddenly we’re intertwined again

This time, surrounded by the waves we’re creating

The way the water slaps up against the concrete wall

Creates a symphony of splashes and moans

We finish and float around together

Naked sunbathing

Taking turns choosing songs we want to share with the other

Our phones are still no where to be seen

But all I can see is you

And us and how beautiful that life could be

To Be Loved is to Be Known

Take note of how they take their coffee, their tea, and which cocktail they order

How do they order their steak and which side do they prefer

Whiskey drinking – neat or on the rocks

What ignites a fire in them and makes their eyes sparkle like the sunlight in a pool of water

Night owl or an early bird

Do they prefer people or quiet or a balance of both

Their traumas and past demons, do they just sit with them, or are they working on freeing them

What makes them cry, laugh, or smile so hard their cheeks ache

Where can you find them when the world feels too heavy and they need an escape

Who do they seek advice from and who do they admire most

Their fears,  dreams,  desires, and insecurities?

Their favorite type of content to consume – music, books, TV, podcasts – or do they prefer to scroll

Loving someone is to learn that someone

The good, the bad, the ugly, the intense, the mundane

To be loved is to be truly known by someone

And to still be their choice

Pipe Dream Princess

A repetitive action without any change

Could be considered insanity

But that’s what you do to me

Words fall short

For the feelings I hold deep

Even without a single drop of clarity

With a heavy heart

And a heavier pour

I long to see you walk through my door

Smiling, singing, dancing towards me

Our blissful little fantasy

Shut out the world

Laugh and love together

From this day until forever

Little Runaway

Flight or fight

Flight

I chose flight

Because my heart can’t take another fight

Suddenly I’m 6 years old again

Crying because I spilled my juice

Quickly trying to clean the mess

Before the yelling starts

Queue the stress

Suddenly, I’m 16 years old again

Screaming to myself in my bedroom

Sobbing because the 21 year old boy I like

Said I’m not his type

After stealing my innocence that very same night

Suddenly, I’m 26 years old again

Begging for him to leave me alone and end this strife

Screaming so loudly, trying to escape

Gasping for air

Fighting for my life

I chose flight

Because there’s not a single part of me

With the strength left to fight

My Bloody Tongue

I read today that:

“If you’re not fed love from a silver spoon when you’re young…

Then you will learn to lick the knife”

And fuck

That hit home